My trip is coming to an end. I've spent the whole summer in Holland and to be honest it was very educational experience. We all have dreams and when you finally get a taste of it, sometimes you realize it's not what you expected. Also I could say this is true for me right now, it isn't in a negative way. Challenges are complications are natural in life, and most of the time, the hardest part is taking the first step towards them.
It's no secret for those in my life, that I plan to one day move to Europe. I love Holland, and to be honest, it feels like home 80% of the time that I've spent here. The struggle for me is mostly what I'm leaving behind back in the States. My family, my culture, and everything I worked for to build myself into a functioning adult in society. If I move one day, I have to let go of that and start over in a new country. There would be a lot of things I wouldn't be able to share in common with others here. The food, the music, the dances, the language, my heritage. All are things that make up a big part of my identity.
For a while I was conflicted, and felt that if I were going to start a new life, I would have to sacrifice part of my identity. But I was wrong. Yes, I can't bring my parents and friends with me, that would be something I would have to accept and find a compromise for. Yet there were things I could bring with me. Thanks to the internet, music is easy to access and stay up to date with through YouTube or apps such as Pandora. Through music I can keep my language present and practiced.
As for things like food, I can cook them here, or find alternatives that remind me of my culture since I've already discovered they don't have a lot of the ingredients I would normally have access to in New York. It would never be the same as grandmas cooking, but maybe when I return, I can pay more attention to how she makes my favorite foods and learn to make them myself.
I still have a long way before I even make the final choice, till then, I'll have time to grow and absorb more of what makes me ME. That way when the day comes, I can bring with me as much as I can, and then I'll be able to add new things to ME. New cultures, new foods, new languages, and new music. Not replacing the ME I was before, but simply, growing more into something bigger.
Amazing how much goes through someones thoughts when you have only time to reflect and accept things in your life.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Reinhold Niebuhr
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