Ranger and Trip Reflection

Fresh on the Job!

So now that I've had some time to rest and recover from my trip, I think this is a good time to reflect on what this trip meant for me and my experience doing it. First and foremost, my job as an urban park ranger was coming to an end. My contract line was to end on June 30th. I was told we probably wouldn't know if we were going to be rehired until the last hour of the last day. That brought me a level of stress I didn't want to entertain. I had checked my leave balance and saw I had plenty of vacation time since I never took any while I worked for them, and decided I would take a week and a half off right before my last few days. I timed it so that when I returned from my trip, I only had 3 days left.

I did this with the thought that if I was rehired, I would feel refreshed and energized to continue my job. If I wasn't rehired, then I at least end my line relaxed and calm. You see, COVID-19 really affected my job description and since the city became affected by it, I've been working as an essential worker. From September till March, I was a true urban park ranger, teaching people and children about our parks and the animals that live in them. I really enjoyed this role, and to be honest, I never enjoyed a job as much as this one. When the city became affected by COVID-19, we were forced to close our doors to the public and end all of our free education programs.

Egg Laying Season

For the following months, we watched the tensions grow within and outside of parks. Policies changed almost daily as COVID-19 became worse and worse. From social distancing to masks, shift changes, adding patrols, and becoming 100% enforcement instead of the 5% we used to be. I watched as the souls and minds cracked and shattered among my co-workers, and within myself. Then the riots and protests began...and we had to wear bulletproof vests daily. It was mandatory. Closing parks was a huge step to assist in the "flattening of the curve" but people made it very difficult for us to enforce it.

We would constantly come across people trespassing, broken locks, warped fences, torn "closed" signs, and an increase of verbal and sometimes, physical abuse from patrons. Then when the issues with NYPD reached a critical high, we just became a uniform with no separate identity, and many of my coworkers didn't feel safe doing patrols. The city would provide us with tens of thousands of masks to distribute to the public, which the majority of people accepted with grace. It was the only time we felt satisfied with our job. Every time the masks would run out between shipments, it seemed unanimous among us that we would avoid certain parks because we knew it was expected for us to enforce park rules.

Donated Masks for Rangers

Eventually, we would give up altogether, because we knew that if we walked up to people doing something that was now considered illegal, we would just get insulted or ignored. We didn't have "real" power to stop them, and with everything else going on, NYPD wasn't going to assist us either. We were on our own, especially when we needed them the most.

Many times I would get mad at some of the things I was accused of by people, like being a nazi or on the wrong side of history, just because I was kicking out people from a closed handball court. I didn't realize telling someone to leave a closed area would put me in the same category as people who committed genocide. As you can imagine, I couldn't really defend myself. I would do my best to keep my tone steady and stand by policies and protocols. When I knew there was nothing else I could do, I would simply walk away.

It all slowly chipped away at us, until many began questioning why we even mattered in this position. Then we would do the math and realize we would be making more money on unemployment, plus we would be able to stay home where it was safe. We were constantly exposing ourselves to the public and by some miracle, none of us caught COVID-19. Tensions grew more and more as time passed and then adding the possibility that we might not be considered for the new fiscal budget, despite all the hard work and sacrifice we did, was disheartening. I wanted to stay strong and not give up on my job because I looked forward to a time when COVID-19 would disappear and we could return to teaching people about animals and the wonders of nature. However, that dream was fading away quickly.

This is what led to my decision to take this trip. I'm glad I did it too. Ros had been unemployed since March; he was working for Yankee Stadium and Radio City, both are large crowd businesses and COVID-19 brought that to a standstill before all other businesses. Taking this into consideration, that meant Ros has been stuck at home for the better part of four months. He needed this road trip more than me if anything. We mutually saw this as a great opportunity to start over, rest our minds and hearts, and have an adventure. This was something that could bring joy and excitement back into our lives during a time that we forgot what it felt like.

I was ambitious for sure; I wanted to visit seven different states during the eleven days we would be on the road. Eventually, as you know now, we ended up only seeing five of those states, which still made us feel accomplished. There was a lot more driving involved that we didn't expect. On paper, it seemed doable, but on the road, endurance was something we needed to build. We got to see so many breathtaking natural areas, landmarks and met so many amazing people along the way.

Part of me was thankful to even be able to afford a trip like this. I know many families had been hit hard by this pandemic, and I never took any of this for granted. Ros and I made sure to take advantage of each day we were on the road. We took risks and truly made it an adventure. We both started projects because we were inspired by the trip. My writing has been given a new boost, and he started his youtube channel. We both share our voices through different media in order to share what we experienced with those that couldn't be with us on the road.

Trail Clean Up

No matter what comes next, I want to stay positive. I know I'm strong; I pulled through during a time all I wanted to do was give up. I didn't let myself take the shortcut or the easy way out, because I wanted to see it till the end, even if I knew I wouldn't like the results. I don't regret staying on as a ranger during COVID-19. I know we helped many people access masks during a time people were trying to make a profit off of the desperation of people. I was thanked by people way more than I was insulted and that truly helped. I was also surrounded by so many amazing and beautiful-hearted rangers, that I would give anything to work and teach alongside again. We were a family, and we built each other up and distracted one another when we knew the moods were low.

I loved everyone, and thanks to this trip, it gave me the energy and strength I needed to finish strong. I look forward to whatever comes next. Despite not knowing what that next step might be, or even where it might come from, I welcome it. The government might take a long time to recover from this, but I know I won't. Even if I have to live humbler and leave the city life behind, I'm willing to make those changes as long as it means I can move forward. I have an extraordinary partner and family that won't let me fall down without offering out a hand. I'm blessed in ways I probably didn't realize, pre-COVID. Everything else will come with time, and I know now that I have the strength to wait.

I hope all of you reading this stay safe. This isn't over yet, and we all need to help one another by doing our own part in the equation. See you on the next adventure!